Five Worst Comic Book Movies (Marvel & DC Universe)

Five comic adaptations from the Marvel and DC Universes that should never have been made:

Catwoman (2004)
Dir: Pitof
Starring: Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt, Lambert Wilson

Halle Berry and a tight leather costume: clearly this film was an ogle fest from the start. Winning a Razzie for being so awful, the film lacked everything! Even Berry’s pert derriere could not compensate for the film’s awful plotline and ridiculous love interest in pretty boy Benjamin Bratt. Sharon Stone’s villainess Laurel Hedare, is the real bad guy in this ridiculous tale of one woman against the cosmetic industry.

Conclusion: The film isn’t even worthy of an Adam West cameo, in the style of Family Guy! Awful, just god-AWFUL!

Superman Returns (2006)
Dir: Bryan Singer
Starring: Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, James Marsden, Frank Langella

Albeit a superb performance from Kevin Spacey as the malignant Lex Luthor, the film was pure pants (pun wholly intended). Kate Bosworth was woefully miscast as the traditionally feisty but foxy Lois Lane, and the plot was obviously just a foundation film to introduce the son of superman. All the hype with no goods!

Conclusion: Superman used to be cool, now he’s just a grown man wearing a big pair of red knickers.

Batman and Robin (1997)
Dir: Joel Schumacher
Starring: George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris O’Donnell, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone

The acting is so ridiculously hammy, it was a film version of spam! Arnie playing bad guy Dr Freeze (“You’re not taking me to the cooler”) and Uma Thurman as deranged doc Poison Ivy, who suffers from an uncomfortable obsession with plants. The worst Batman movie in the franchise, it was a farce from start to finish. It would have been better to do a feature length remake Adam West’s Batman of the 1960’s. Seriously, all that was missing was the huge animated KAPPOW and a “gee-wizz Batman” from Robin.

Conclusion: You actually wished Gotham would be incinerated into oblivion and Batman arrested for terrorism (or at least indecent behaviour with that codpiece!).

Ghost Rider (2007)
Dir: Mark Steven Johnson
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Same Elliot, Peter Fonda

I have a really good idea why this film bombed…and his name is Nicolas Cage. Rather than channelling any kind of character into Johnny Blaze, Cage decided to play himself, playing Elvis. Wes Bently’s Blackheart (the Devil’s son) was disappointing; Eva Mendes and Cage had no chemistry; the plot was tenuous and overall the film’s delivery felt hackneyed.

Conclusion: “Forget about family, forget about friends…” inf act forget ever being able to hold your head up in public if you admit to liking this film.

Fantastic Four (2005) & Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
Dir: Tim Story
Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon & Laurence Fishburne (in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer)

Although neither film was an absolute standalone disaster, as a series of films, both have made the list because they were poor quality, with flimsy scripts and pedestrian acting. The Thing and Human’s Torch’s constant bickering presented some light comic relief, but Gruffudd and Alba were simply annoying as lovers Reed Richards and Susan Storm. Most people were looking forward to seeing the Silver Surfer (wonderfully voiced by Fishburne) and the portrayal of Galactus was a surprise, nevertheless the films just didn’t work hard enough to be anything exemplary.

Conclusion: So boring it’s a shame Galactus wasn’t allowed to eat the whole planet! Now that would have been entertaining.

Kyla

2 Comments

  1. Totally agree with all of it! Being a comic and film fan, these film versions were quite offensive to the eye…

    Very well writen!

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